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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 14, Number 50, December 27, 2009
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First,an old proverb says, “He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.” Perhaps giving credence to such a sentiment is 21-year-old Jacob Christine, who acted as his own lawyer at a recent hearing, where he denied charges that he severely slashed a fellow inmate at an Easton, Pa., prison. Instead, he offered his own view of whoever the perpetrator was: "Whoever attacked (the victim) had a high regard for life," said Christine, because the cut "isn't deep at all. It's on his neck. It's not on his face." [Morning Call (Allentown). If I were the prosecutor, my next line would be, “And you know this how?” Bus-ted!
Next, someone (perhaps) unclear on the concept: Kim Schroeder ran for vice president of the Milwaukee (Wis.) Teachers Education Association for this current school year. As part of his campaign, he promised a five-point program, with the first four being vows to make the union more aggressive toward the school board. His fifth point, he said, was "to make sure that there is ... beer and wine available for our monthly Leaders' Meetings." (Surprisingly, he lost. I would have thought with that last point….) [Journal Sentinel]
Finally, doing the right thing the wrong way which is the right thing unless it’s wrong (yes, I am confused as well). Jack Knowler, 61, and his girlfriend, Bev Rogers, go out on the town every Thursday night in Bowmanville, Ont., Canada. But they're responsible: they use a car service so they don't drink and drive. "If we have more than one drink, we always call the service," Knowler said. They were still arrested, however, because they waited for the car outside the bar. "It's not a mixed message," insists Insp. Charlie Green of the Durham Regional Police. "You can't be intoxicated in a public place. It's an offense." Their driver arrived at the same time the police did, "but he couldn't have cared less," she said. "All he said was that they shouldn't have been hanging around a dark parking lot in the first place." Green said his officers "take what is basically a zero-tolerance (zero common sense) approach to everything." (Toronto Sun)
Real Headlines Just Begging to be Read: (1) “New Home For Dogs Who ATE Their Owner.” (2) “Woman Charged In Ice Pick Attack Over Parking Spot.” (3) “WATCH: Jessica Simpson Battles Ear Wax.” (3) "http://www.cnn.com/video/" \l "/video/bestoftv/2009/12/23/lkl.reincarnation.cnn" Is boy reincarnated WWII pilot?” (4) “Suit: Doctors Misdiagnose Woman With HIV, Herpes and Hepatitis...” (5) “Man Sought By Police For Sniffing Butts In Supermarket.” (6) “Armed Grinches invade family Christmas.” (7) “Woman calls 911 when husband refuses to eat dinner...” (8) “Pennsylvania Wal-Mart Sued for Videotaping Employees, Customers in Bathroom.” (9) “Stabbed man orders coffee.” (That one reminds me of a joke my daughter used to love: “A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Gimme a beer and a mop.’”) (10) “Man Attempts to Set Off Explosives on Detroit-Bound Airplane” (this last one is like those old intelligence quizzes asking ‘Which one doesn’t belong?’ except maybe it does. First, we have a couple who waltz into a White House state dinner without an invitation (imagine if they were people who wanted to do harm…) and now we have a guy on an airplane who calmly would have taken nearly 300 innocent people to their deaths. Reassuring, don’t you think? I don’t either.
From headline number 9 above, a US man walked into a restaurant with a 5-inch knife sticking out of his chest and ordered a coffee. The 52-year-old told staff in the diner in Warren, Michigan, that he was waiting for an ambulance. Restaurant employee George Mirdita said: "It was like out of a movie. It kind of freaked us all out here. "The customers realized it and they were all turning their heads in disgust." Mr. Mirdita said he couldn't believe how calm the man was, and that he never complained of being in any pain. Police said the man called 911 saying he had been stabbed - and then walked a mile to the restaurant. He told officers he was stabbed after he refused to hand over money to a mugger. The man was treated and police said he is expected to be fine. Authorities are still looking for his attacker. (Ananova)
A flatulent pig triggered a minor emergency in Australia when smells wafting from her farts sparked gas leak fears. Two fire engines and 15 firefighters turned out in darkness to search for the source of the 'leak' at Axedale, near Bendigo, Victoria. Eventually, the culprit - a 120kg pet sow - was identified, reports the Melbourne Herald Sun. Fire chief Peter Harkins said: "We got to the property and we could smell a very strong odour in the vicinity."It didn't take us too long to work it out because we could both smell and hear her."She got very excited when two trucks and 15 firies (firefighters) turned up and she squealed and farted and squealed and farted."I haven't heard too many pigs fart but I would describe it as very full-on."Mr Harkins said the family had done the right thing by calling emergency services to report the suspected gas leak. (Ananova)
From my friend PJ from the frozen north, a few quotes worthy of your consideration: (1) “Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.” Will Rogers. (2) “By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be the boss and work twelve hours a day.” Robert Frost. (3) “There is far more opportunity than there is ability.” Thomas Edison. (4) "To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe." Marilyn vos Savant. (5) "There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker." Charles M. Schulz. About that last one, sometimes an entire philosophy can be summed up in a single bumper sticker. For example, “Shit Happens.” Think about it – isn’t that the entire story of most of Life for most of us? Really!
My wonderful wife, the Ever-lovely Miss Kim, came through again (as she always does). She hooked my up with a fascinating web site at which viewers may spend many happy (and not so happy) hours: "http://listverse.com/" http://listverse.com/ Today’s offering is “Top 10 Famous Real Ghosts.” Others include things like: (1) 10 Vilest Villains of Fictional Literature, (2) Top 10 Best Books for Inquiring Minds, (3) 10 Bizarre Works of Body Art, (4) Top 10 Must-see Episodes of the Twilight Zone, (5) The 10 Worst Sporting Disasters, and the like. There really is something for everyone. Check it out when you have some time!
Some people just don’t get it. While I know business is business and there is the letter of the law vs. the spirit of the law….. A mother in England was penalized financially for spending too long with her baby son’s body before it was cremated. The crematorium, operated by the Milton Keynes Borough Council in Buckinghamshire, said the additional $145 charge is routine when a funeral runs overtime according to The Daily Mail. The penalty was more than twice as big as the $54 fee for cremation for a baby… “The vicar had asked if I would like to spend a bit more time saying goodbye,” Terrie Rouse told the newspaper. “I sat by the coffin for 10 minutes, telling my son how much we loved him and begging him not to be scared.”Rouse’s son, Zane, died back in April of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome at the age of 5 weeks. Her partner, Lee Smythe, said the funeral was delayed because of tests done on the boy’s tiny body. “It was distressing enough having to wait for the funeral because we were left in limbo, but this has just made it all worse,” Smythe said. “If we had overrun by 30 minutes and had held up proceedings for other people I would understand but this was 10 minutes.” After this all hit the news, the council said the penalty will not be charged because of “extenuating circumstances.” (http://eideard.wordpress.com)
Finally, doing the right thing: A woman called the Clark County (Wisc.) Sheriff's Department to report a drunk driver. When dispatcher asked if she was "behind them," Mary Strey, 49, replied, "I am them." She's calling on herself? The dispatcher asked. Yes, Strey replied. "Do you want to stop driving before you get in an accident?" the dispatcher suggested. "Yep, I'll stop right now," Strey said. "How many people you get that call in on themself?" Strey asked. "Not many," the dispatcher told her. Deputies found her on the side of the road with her flashers on, and arrested her for drunk driving with a blood-alcohol level of 0.1 percent or above. (Wausau Daily Herald)
Hey, have a Happy, healthy, and wealthy New Year! See you next year!
Later.
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