| |
"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 11, March 14, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it… A 47-year-old man had a defense figured out when police arrested and accused him of taking restroom photographs of boys in Brisbane, Australia. He said he was having an ongoing debate with his wife and was gathering proof that most boys are not circumcised. Uh, o-kay I mean, I understand the taking of pictures… it’s not like he could take his wife into the rest room to show her…. (News.com.au-Australian)
Next, Chicago police arrested a motorist and charged him in connection with a three-week spree of drive-by rock-throwing at other cars. Officers discounted ordinary road rage as a cause, in that the man appeared to have been driving around during that time with a piled cache of rocks in the passenger seat. To me, that suggests just a bit of malice aforethought, but that’s just me… (WBBM-Chicago Sun-Times)
Finally, a car crash in Florida is being blamed on the fact that the driver was attempting to, uh, shave her bikini line while driving. Trooper Gary Dunick says the 37-year-old woman was attempting to shave her, uh, nether region, while her ex-husband held the wheel. Her car then crashed into the back of a pickup truck, injuring two women, reports the Key West Citizen. "She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. "It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this'. Well, this takes it." To make matters worse, police said the woman motorist has been banned from driving for five years the day before the crash for driving under the influence. She now faces charges of driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, driving with no insurance, and of leaving the scene of a wreck with injuries. (“As you look down/ You miss the oncoming car / Get your close shaves / From the half pound jar / Burma-Shave” [or is it Berman-Shave?])
Some Bits just make me wonder (I am not sure about what, but…). A window cleaner died after stabbing himself in the groin repeatedly with a jumbo souvenir pencil. Jeffrey Burton’s family and friends were baffled by his bizarre death, which was recorded as an open verdict because there was no evidence he was trying to commit suicide. The 57-year-old Burton was found by police in a blood-soaked room in his house after worried neighbors raised the alarm after they were unable to get hold of him. When police broke into his house they found him lying on his back, wearing only his underpants. (http://www.mirror.co.uk)
A few great quotes making the e-mail rounds: (1) "Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared." Eddie Rickenbacker. (2) "If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." Herman Hesse. (3) "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas Edison. (4) "Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught." Oscar Wilde. (5) "If Columbus had an advisory committee he would probably still be at the dock." Arthur Goldberg. (6) “A camel is a horse designed by a committee.” (Anyone who has ever been on a committee and just knows what that means).
A British TV host drove 210 miles from London to Manchester, England, in a coffee-powered car as part of a major science fair. Jem Stansfield, one of the hosts of science-themed TV show "Bang Goes the Theory," arrived in Manchester for this weekend's Big Bang Science Fair at Manchester Central, the BBC reported. Stansfield said before his journey that he was planning to stop at several schools on the road from London to his destination. "It's important for kids to understand that power is not something that is simply there at the flick of a switch," he said. "With the energy challenge facing the world, the more we encourage children to think about alternative fuels, where energy is stored and how it can be released, the better!" The host said his journey would use enough coffee for 10,000 espressos, and required hourly stops for filter cleanings. (Bizarre News) I guess they could use decaf for around town and “high test” for highway driving.
Oops! A funeral director nearly dropped dead when he walked outside to find the minivan he used for business – along with the corpse inside – had vanished. Paul DeNigris parked his 2002 Dodge in a "No Parking Anytime" zone while he went inside a funeral parlor to handle some business. While he was inside, a police truck towed the vehicle to the city tow pound. "I was just a wreck," a grave DeNigris told the paper. "I was frantic. When something like that happens, you got into panic mode." Police say the van was ticketed three hours before it was towed just after 12 p.m., and that there was no indication that it was anything more than an illegally parked car. Once DeNigris figured out the van had been towed, he raced to the pound and hurriedly tried to explain his bizarre plight. "I tried not to be too loud," he told the News. "I didn't want to scream, 'I'm the guy from the funeral home with the car with the person in the back.'" An hour and a half later, DeNigris rescued the corpse from the city's graveyard of forlorn cars and dejected drivers and made it to the airport on time to put the body on a scheduled flight to Miami, where it was headed for cremation. In light of the strange circumstances, the tow pound waived the $185 fee when it returned the van (and the corpse), but DeNigris still has a $115 ticket from the city for parking illegally – and he plans to fight it. He says funeral cars moving bodies should not have to abide by the city's stringent parking regulations. "It's frustrating," DeNigris told the News. "But this is New York City. Things like this are not uncommon." DeNigris acknowledged the van's tinted windows likely obscured the white cardboard box in back containing the body. He also said he had a placard identifying the vehicle as belonging to a funeral director on official business, but also admitted it was worn down and hard to see – a problem he planned to rectify. (Daily News)
Kiyoshiro Yamamoto, 45, and the parent company of the popular restaurant The Hump in Santa Monica were charged with violating the Marine Mammal Protection Act which makes it illegal to sell any kind of whale meat. The case stemmed from informants who ordered whale meat at the restaurant in October 2009 and evolved into a sting operation by U.S. wildlife and customs officials who observed whale meat being served at the restaurant last week. "Someone should not be able to walk into a restaurant and order a plate of an endangered species," U.S. Attorney Andre Birotte Jr. said in a statement. According to an affidavit filed with the criminal complaint, two confidential informants last week ordered whale meat during a sting operation while wildlife and customs officers sat at the sushi bar observing. The sushi chef went to a car in the parking lot and brought a package of meat back into the restaurant where he opened it at the sushi bar and sliced the meat to serve, according to the document. After initially ignoring questions from a customer at the sushi bar about the meat, "a customer to the right of the (official) then asked the sushi chef about the meat product, and the sushi chef quietly said that it was 'whale,'" the affidavit said. The plate of whale meat was then delivered to the two informants' table. A lawyer for the restaurant and chef was not immediately available for comment. The charge carries a penalty of up to one year in prison and fines of up to $100,000 for individuals and $200,000 for organizations. (Mainstream Media)
Finally, from Reuters, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. A New Zealand man is recovering from injuries after being run over by his wife -- twice, local media reported. Sandy Telford ran over her husband, Terry, as she backed down the driveway of their rural property, the Dominion Post newspaper reported. Not realizing what she had done, Telford then drove her car forward, running over him again. Police said the woman was distraught and too upset to speak to them. "We are treating it as an accident," a police spokesman said (the first time, maybe). Ambulance authorities said the husband suffered moderate head, chest and back injuries, but was "conscious and talking" after the incident.
Later.
|
|