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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 15, April 11, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, from News of the Weird, don’t mess with Texas! Last month, juries in Smith County and Matagorda County sentenced Henry Wooten and Melvin Johnson III to 35 years and 60 years in prison, respectively, for possessing small amounts of drugs (but enough under Texas law to allow jurors to infer their intent to distribute). Wooten, 54, had 4.6 ounces of marijuana (same penalty as for 5 pounds), and Johnson had 1.3 grams of crack cocaine (about half the weight of a U.S. dime). (Wooten's prosecutor actually had asked the jury for a sentence of 99 years.)
Next, Stupid Pills! The cheap-drink Tuesday night special at the Attic bar in Newcastle, England, late last year was a money-back guarantee at the end of the night to anyone who could still legally drive (measured by the bar's breathalyzer), with the evening's most-alcohol-saturated customer drinking free the following week. The Newcastle City Council soon convinced the bar it was a bad idea. [The Mail]
Finally, Facebook. Yes, I spend time there, but I don’t think I have a problem – I can stop anytime…. Anyhow, a 12-year-old boy has spent more than $1,381 developing his virtual farm on Facebook game FarmVille. He spent over $950 on his mother's credit card and $442 of his own savings on the game, reports The Guardian. FarmVille, one of the most popular games on Facebook, allows members to manage a virtual farm by planting, growing and harvesting crops, trees and livestock. New users are given virtual coins to set up their farm, and the revenue from crops can be used to maintain it. But those desperate to progress can buy extra coins using real cash. The mother contacted her credit card company but was told she would only qualify for a refund if she reported her son to the police and obtained a crime number. Hmmm, tough choice.
For all the wrong reasons! Presented as presented: “Pastor Bil Cornelius of the Bay Area Fellowship, the largest church in Corpus Christi, Texas, really wanted good attendance at Easter services this year. The church plans to give away 15,000 gift bags, each with about $300 worth of goods and gift certificates inside. But wait! That's not all! There will also be flat-screen TVs, skateboards, electric guitars, bicycles, furniture and 15 cars. In all, about $4.5 million worth in the gift bags and around $2 million more in other swag. The church had to cut an opening in the chapel wall so the cars can be pulled in Easter morning. ‘Imagine how great heaven is going to be if you feel that excited about a car,’" Cornelius says. (Corpus Christi Caller-Times) I have imagined, and I’d probably go (and I’m not even a Christian!)
A New Jersey teachers union is coming under fire after an internal memo included a veiled threat to Gov. Chris Christie. The leaked memo, which was sent to union leaders in the New Jersey Education Association's Bergen County division, contains a closing paragraph written in the form of a prayer. "Dear Lord," the letter reads. "This year you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farrah Fawcett, my favorite singer, Michael Jackson, and my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. I just wanted to let you know that Chris Christie is my favorite governor." You know, not only are the PC Police alive and well, they are going to be the death of jokes. (CNN) I have received that same e-mail with various names in place of Christie’s – it’s a joke, Folks. I am afraid as so many don’t know the difference….
A Washington state teen is suing for millions of dollars in damages after she said a family court investigator "ruined her life" by knowingly sending her to live with her grandfather, a convicted sex offender who proceeded to abuse her nearly every day for a decade. (ABC News) Some lawsuits have merit… this is one!
Oops! A US nuclear sub rammed another ship causing nearly £60 MILLION damage while its navigator was listening to his iPod. (http://www.thesun.co.uk)
Jeeze, only Fox Nation ran this story, but there is a reason that no other outlet ran it. You would think that a thing like this would have been more widely reported. Famed global warming activist James Schneider and a journalist friend were both found frozen to death on Saturday, about 90 miles from South Pole Station, by the pilot of a ski plane practicing emergency evacuation procedures. But what was this unknown famous activist doing down there in the first place? One friend of Prof. Schneider told ecoEnquirer that he had been planning a trip to an ice sheet to film the devastation brought on by global warming. His wife, Linda, said that she had heard him discussing the trip with his environmental activist friends, but she assumed that he was talking about the Greenland ice sheet, a much smaller ice sheet than Antarctica. "He kept talking about when they 'get down to chili', and I thought they were talking about the order in which they would consume their food supplies", Mrs. Schneider recounted. "I had no idea they were talking about Chile, the country from which you usually fly or sail in order to reach Antarctica." The above-referenced ironic tale of a global warming activist's freezing to death in Antarctica was presented on the Fox Nation web site as a straightforward news story on March 29, 2010. However, the original source for the story (which is linked from the Fox site) was a 2006 article from ecoEnquirer.com, a satirical site featuring spoof articles." FOX is busted… again!
I recently bought a package of “Sweet Slices,” those jelly candies shaped like fruit slices. I didn’t read the package carefully until later. If I had, I would have found out the candy is Made in China. The flavors are green apple (not lime), strawberry (not cherry), orange, and lemon (all artificially flavored), BUT right on the package it prominently says, “Made with Real Pectin!” Well, that’s special… I think. I checked. The main raw-materials for pectin production are dried citrus peel or apple pomace (the stuff that’s left after pressing fruit for juice). In medicine, pectin increases viscosity and volume of stool so that it is used against constipation and diarrhea. Until 2002, it was one of the main ingredients used in Kaopectate. Somehow, I don’t think I’ll be buying those again… for a while.
Authorities in the German city of Muelheim spent 100,000 euros ($133.700) on a three week mission to recover a missing snake -- only to discover it had died. "We had to do everything in our power to find this cobra," said Volker Wiebels, spokesman for the city council. After the highly poisonous monocled cobra escaped from its container late last month, fire services cleared the entire apartment block, removed all the furniture and gutted the owner's flat. They then sealed all the doors and windows of the building so the just under 12-inch-long reptile couldn't get out, and set large sticky traps to catch it, Wiebels said. Officials finally found the snake lying dead in the rooftop apartment of its 19-year-old owner last Thursday. Taxpayers are likely on the hook for 40,000 euros, because an escaped snake is considered public hazard, Wiebels said. (Reuters)
Finally, from my Canadian Correspondent PJ, the following made the rounds some years ago, but they are funny enough to deserve a revisit. From job performance reviews: (1) "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." (2) "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." (3) "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." (4) "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." (5) "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
Later.
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