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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 18 May 2, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, big news – the birthers were right after all! This past week, the International Olympic Committee stripped China of a bronze medal in the women's team event at the 2000 Olympic Games after finding one of the team's athletes was underage. The United States will be awarded the bronze medal instead, the IOC said in a news release. The International Gymnastics Federation (FIG) in February decided to cancel all results obtained by gymnast Dong Fangxiao at the Sydney, Australia, Games. "The FIG conducted an inquiry which showed that the athlete was only 14 years old during the 2000 Sydney Olympic Games," the IOC said. Under FIG qualification rules, athletes must be 16 in the year of the Games in order to compete. Gee, only about ten years to find out….
Next, taking a lesson from the politicians…. A New Hampshire school district is promising to repay $2,657 from a federal grant that was improperly spent on drinks, golf passes and other items. The Caledonian-Record reported that an audit of the White Mountains Regional School District in Whitefield found the money was spent during the 2008-2009 school year. The money was from a federal Title II-A grant. The district receives about $110,000 for professional development. Officials said $1,500 was spent on spa and golf passes under the label of team-building materials (well?), and $601 was charged for meals and room rentals. Board Chairman Greg Odell said the school board accepted the audit report and will refund the money as soon as possible.
Finally, a man who stabbed eight children to death and wounded five others at an elementary school in eastern China last month was executed last week, Xinhua said. Zheng Minsheng, 42, was shot in Nanping City for the March 23 attack. Authorities said he carried out the attack because he was frustrated at "failures in his romantic life," Xinhua said. So, uh, why does it take us 20 years more or less to do the same???
The news just told me I can expect a census taker at the door because I never returned my form! Well, I never received one! So there.
Write it and they will come… maybe. Computer hardware engineer Toshio Yamamoto, 49, this year celebrates 15 years' work tasting and cataloguing all the Japanese ramen (instant noodles) he can get his hands on (including the full ingredients list, texture, flavor, price and "star" rating for each), for the massive 4,300-ramen database on his Web site, expanded recently with "hundreds" of video reviews and with re-reviews of many previously appearing products (in case the taste had changed, he told journalist Lisa Katayama, writing in April on the popular blog Boing Boing). Yamamoto said he had always eaten ramen for breakfast seven days a week, but cut back recently to five. "I feared that, if I continued at (the seven-day) pace, I would get bored." (I bet he gets more hits than I do!)
Oops! Karma? Zach Schultz of Denver became the most recent victim of wind, costing him his car. While driving down Colorado Boulevard, he tossed a lit cigarette out the window, but it landed in the back seat and set the car on fire, and he was not able to save it. [KMGH-TV]
Maybe crime does pay! A notorious Australian mobster has been buried in a $30,000 gold-plated coffin, 11 days after being beaten to death in jail. Carl Williams's funeral drew a large crowd of mourners. Williams was killed in Victoria state's highest security prison earlier this month by a fellow inmate who attacked him with part of an exercise bike. The 39-year-old, nicknamed the baby-faced killer, was a key figure in Melbourne's brutal underworld war of the 1990s and immortalized in the popular Australian TV series Underbelly. (http://web.orange.co.uk)
Sort of related: This was in the mainstream news, but it’s still weird enough to be here. Shot to death last week, Puerto Rican rider David Morales Colón is having a rather unique memorial of his life. The 22-year-old rider has been embalmed by the Marin Funeral Home in San Juan, which has a reputation for creative embalming presentations. In Colón’s case this means being dressed and put in a riding position on-top of his race replica Repsol Honda. In 2008 the funeral home displayed another shooting victim standing straight up during a wake that lasted several days. Colón’s wake is similar in that it puts the victim in a real-life pose that represents an aspect of his life: riding a motorcycle. Dressed in regular street clothes, Colón is presented on a Honda CBR600F4i that has Repsol race livery. The motorcycle was reportedly a gift from Colón’s uncle, and after Colón’s death the family delivered the bike to the funeral home specifically for this style of remembrance. The result is initially a little creepy, but considering that motorcycling is an integral part of many people’s lives, it seems a fitting way to be remembered, doesn’t it? Keep the shiny side up, David. (www.asphaltandrubber.com)
A man has offered a pretty good excuse for why he crashed his car into a utility pole: his dog puked on him. The Winona Daily News reported police found the car unattended against an Xcel Energy pole. Witnesses told officers they saw a man leaving the area and walking a beagle. The 18-year-old, who does not have insurance or a Minnesota driver's license, called police about four hours later to confess. The man told police he was driving when his dog started "throwing up all over him." Deputy Police Chief Tom Williams said the story checked out — police found vomit in the car. The pole had only minor damage. The man was cited for driving without insurance or a license. I think the dog got off. (www.azcentral.com)
Some real headlines that caught my eye: (1) “Newlywed Couple Spend 1st Night in Jail.” (ABC News) (2) “Woman charged in felony breast milk assault...” (Drudge Report). (3) “China may ban eating dogs, cats.” (CNN) (4) “Cat found nailed to utility pole.” (CNN) (5) Pornographic magazine for the blind launched (www.telegrahp.co.uk) (Bonus) “Two arrested two over monkey meatballs” (Reuters).
Police in Columbia, Mo., responded to a report of a house fire. They arrived to smoke -- and screams for help. The four officers smashed through the front door using their batons, and saved a victim inside while keeping the flames at bay with fire extinguishers from their cars. Manuel Douglas, 56, explained that he had been cooking a pork steak in the deep fryer he has next to his living room couch, and fell asleep. The fryer set the room on fire. Oops. (Columbia Tribune)
Finally, cleaning out the Bits Bin, a Bit from last fall, another ‘oops’! For the football game against McNeese State, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill had a special stunt planned: two men would parachute into the stadium to deliver the game ball. But as officials scanned the sky, nothing came: the skydivers had instead landed at the Wallace Wade Stadium eight miles away, where Duke was getting ready to play James Madison University. "In about five years, maybe this will be funny," groaned UNC associate athletic director Rick Steinbacher. (Raleigh News & Observer)
Later.
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