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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 19, May 9, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, with a $12 cup of coffee, Cafe Grumpy’s name may be a prediction of how customers will feel about paying that kind of money. Made from handpicked Ethiopian beans, the coffee costs so much due to the long development and processing time (at least that’s what they say). "There are flavors you would expect in a really nice glass of wine -- it's a cacophony of nuances," Steve Holt, vice president of Ninety Plus Coffee, the company distributing the beans, told the New York Post. "You detect flavors of apricot, pineapple, bergamot, kiwi and lime. The deeper tones are levels of chocolate, and the finish is super clean." (Huffington Post)
Next, not just an attention-grabbing headline but a story that had to be read (and offers to me far more questions than answers)! A Chinese man has died after an eel was inserted in rectum by friends as, reports claim, a joke. Doctors in Sichaun, China, apparently found the creature, a 50cm (nearly 20 inches) Asian swamp eel, in the 59-year-old man's rectum after he had died from internal bleeding. The eel had reportedly done severe damage to the man's intestines. While doctors were initially baffled as to how the eel could have gotten there, the man's friends allegedly confessed that they had inserted the live creature as a joke after a bout of heavy drinking (and you wonder why I call alcohol “Stupid Pills”). (Huffington Post) With friends like those….
Finally, a Turkey hunter was shot on the first day of hunting season. Wouldn’t you think there are safeguards in place…. Oh, there are: Fish and Game Col. Martin Garabedian said the incident should serve as a reminder to hunters that they need to be 100 percent sure of their target before firing. (WMUR) Gee, you think?
At the Dutch Rotterdam Zoo, an eleven year old male gorilla named Bokito escaped and ran rampant through the Zoo’s food court, injuring a woman when he bit her and dragged her around – apparently, she stared directly at him. Now, health insurance company FBTO is distributing eye-contact disguising glasses that allow zoo visitors to stare all they like, a behavior that is threatening to most of the great apes. (www.geekosystem.com) Maybe we should give such glasses to anyone who passes through gang territories.
U.S. of Babel? A recent nine-hour standoff in Portsmouth, N.H., was because of a language barrier. Chief David Ferland said a passenger overheard a comment made in a cell phone conversation another passenger was having and believed it was a threat that a bomb was on the bus. The passenger having the cell phone conversation is from Burundi, Africa, and speaks Swahili as his native language. Ferland said the person he was on the phone with made the bomb comment. Ferland said it took some time for police to locate a relative of the man to convince him that no harm would come to him if he surrendered. Maybe we should all be speaking )or learn to speak) English as this is America, you know.
Betty Grable, move over (allusion – look it up). Double world champion Fernando Alonso gave a 10 million euro ($13.33 million) thumbs-up to future Formula One success with Ferrari. Team sponsors said they had insured the Spaniard's thumbs for five million each as part of a publicity campaign for accident and life insurance ahead of next week's Spanish Grand Prix in Barcelona. (Reuters)
Some jobs one would think are safe from outsourcing. The Chronicle of Higher Education reported last month on the University of Houston business school's contract to have student papers uploaded to "teaching assistants" (mostly residing in India, Singapore and Malaysia), who read them, mark them up and offer constructive advice. UH professor Lori Whisenant, who initiated the university's contract with the firm EduMetry, said she is generally pleased with the results. [Chronicle of Higher Education]
From the Berman’s Bits Bin, late last year the father of the baby is only 13 years old, but his own dad told reporters in Manchester, England, that the kid "will make a good father" and "is taking his responsibilities very seriously." He is "mature for his age" and "knows what he's about." The new dad said he plans to quit school and work full-time to support the child and the 16-year-old mother (though the earning power of a 13-year-old is uncertain). [Daily Telegraph (London)]
No more pumping the blanket…. An ad for a blanket made with activated carbon fabric to absorb the odor of, uh, flatulence has become an online hit. The campaign for the so-called Better Marriage Blanket has been viewed more than a million times on YouTube. The ad claims that the blanket, designed by Denver science teacher Francis Bibbois, is a "real solution to a very real problem". Mr. Bibbo apparently got the idea for the blanket when he was hunting in a suit made of similar materials and realized he could break wind undetected. He created the prototype more than 15 years ago but the world is only now getting wind of it. The product's website claims the blanket contains the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons. (www.web.orange.co.uk) Hmmm, I wonder if they make pants out of the same material….
A real life example of when life gives you lemons…. Entrepreneurs in Iceland are cashing in on crisis by selling jars of volcanic ash on the internet. The grey ash - from volcano Eyjafjallajokull - is being sold in 160 gram portions in sealed glass containers as souvenirs of the disaster. The ash cloud from the volcano recently caused havoc to the air industry, grounding flights across Europe. One seller, Sofus Gustavsson, says he is giving all his profits to help the clean-up campaign in Iceland which is trying to shift tons of volcanic ash. "I got the idea from a friend who lives abroad who asked me to send him some ash in an envelope," he said. "I thought there must be thousands of people out there who want to remember what happened." (Orange News)
A real life example of the old Good News/Bad News scenario. The Columbia County courthouse in Hudson, N.Y., finally has a handicapped-accessible water fountain. The fountain was installed after a now-7-year-old report noted deficiencies under the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act. "We're doing that for every building," promises Public Works Commissioner David Robinson. "We want to satisfy the settlement agreement." The new fountain may not fully satisfy the law, however. The bad news is that it's on the courthouse's second floor, which is accessible only by stairs. (Hudson Register-Star)
Uh-oh, you’ve gone and done it now! The victim might have forgiven the woman who ran him down in a Massachusetts crosswalk, but police haven't. Police say a Pittsfield woman has been cited for running down a man named Lord Jesus Christ as he crossed a street. Officers checked his ID and discovered that, indeed, his legal name is Lord Jesus Christ. He was taken to the hospital for treatment of minor facial injuries. Police say 20-year-old Brittany Cantarella was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk. (Huffington Post)
Finally, in honor of Mother’s Day, a few quotes: (1) “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” Milton Berle. (2) “Mothers of Teenagers Know Why Animals Eat Their Young” Anon. (3) “We never know the love of the parent until we become parents ourselves.” Henry Ward Beecher. (4) “Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not.” James Joyce. (5) “God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” Jewish proverb.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Later.
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