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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 20, May 16, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, a big time Happy Birthday to the column’s Webmaster! I believe he’s celebrating the (indecipherable [I’m not stupid]) anniversary of his 39th birthday. Even though he is a relentless slave driver over my getting this column in, he’s really okay. May you have many, many more!!!!! (By the way, can I say ‘slave driver’? See the third from the last Bit)
On to the more mundane ‘stuff.’ After 40 years, the United States' war on drugs has cost us some $1 trillion and hundreds of thousands of lives, and for what? Drug use is rampant and violence even more brutal and widespread. Even U.S. drug czar Gil Kerlikowske concedes the strategy hasn't worked. Why the concern? I mean, isn’t that how government is supposed to work – get bigger and bigger, cost more and more, and do less and less…. (Check out http://www.leap.cc/cms/index.php to see why I support legalization and regulation of drugs)
Next, Reuters carried a Bit that reminded me of my humble place in life. It's a vending machine that dispenses pure gold. But installed beneath the gold-coated ceilings of Abu Dhabi's Emirates Palace hotel, where royalty and billionaires come for cappuccinos topped with gold flakes, the machine seems like it belongs. "The reason we chose Emirates Palace is because it really fits with the surroundings here," said German entrepreneur Thomas Geissler, creator of the "Gold to Go" brand. The exterior of the machine is coated with a thin layer of gold and offers customers 320 items to choose from, ranging from gold bars that can weigh up to 10 grams, to customized gold coins. Geissler said, “One customer even bought one item of every product we have.” That customer probably was not a teacher….….
Finally, from Yahoo News, an interesting Bit: An under-16 Australian Rules football team has come under fire for entering a sponsorship deal with a local Hooters franchise, with critics saying the move could give adolescent boys the wrong message. The Broadbeach Cats team in Australia's Gold Coast was cheered on by two skimpily-dressed staff from the Mermaid Beach franchise of the American restaurant chain. Here’s the good part: "The message these boys are getting -- and bear in mind we're talking 15 and 16-year-old boys -- is that ... as a young footballer you have an entitlement to large-breasted women in skimpy outfits bouncing around at your games.” Athletes with a sense of entitlement? Never happen.
Somehow, indirectly related to the last Bit is the following Bit: A shopping center has been criticized for staging a competition to see how quickly contestants could unhook women's bras with one hand. Anyone who could undo eight bras with one hand in under a minute won a shopping voucher to spend at the mall in Guangzhou, Guangdong province, China. Eight women stood in a line on a stage, wearing only a bra and a face mask above the waist, for the event. Some of the watching crowd clapped and cheered as contestants successfully unfastened bras - but others were shocked by the event. One angry shopper, Zhang Zhengyi, complained: "This must have been the brainwave of a dirty old man - why would anyone want to take part in such a degrading spectacle?" But a spokesman for the Modern Development shopping mall defended the competition which he said was to promote underwear awareness. "The workings of a women's bra are a mystery for many men - this activity helped more people understand bra culture and explore its secrets," he said (a guy after my heart). Ironically, the competition was won by a woman who successfully unfastened eight bras in just 21 seconds. (http://web.orange.co.uk) No fair – she’s had more practice.
Whoa! What was that crashing noise? Oh, never mind. It was just the Boston Bruins imploding.
Here’s a good idea - Under Britain's Department of Health guidelines, prisoners about to be released, and who had previously taken drugs but cured of their addiction while incarcerated, are being purposely re-addicted by wardens, using methadone. According to researchers, the former addicts will then be less likely to overdose when they get back on the street. Reportedly, more than 460 prisoners have thus been "retoxified" in the last five years. [Daily Telegraph] So the point is…? I don’t get it.
CNN, reporting from the London Zoo, described the exhilaration surrounding news that the zoo would acquire a 12-year-old male gorilla from a preserve in France. Zoo officials were pleased, but its three older female gorillas were almost ecstatic. Shown posters of "Yeboah," the male, female "Zaire" "shrieked in delight"; "Effie" wedged the poster into a tree and stared at it; and "Mjukuu" held the photo close to her chest, "then ate it." Now I know how Elvis must have felt.
Four years ago, a Tampa area high school freshman told his Spanish teacher he'd wear the same pair of sneakers every day until graduation. Today, his toes stick out of the front and plastic bags surround the shoes on rainy days, but Ben Hedblom has followed through on his promise. His teacher may have to shave his head and eyebrows if Hedblom holds on until graduation next month. The 17-year-old football captain said the bet has turned into more than a joke. Hedblom said it helped him worry less about other people's perceptions and ended up inspiring his senior class project on the psychology behind perceptions. Teacher Adrian Antonini left the school after the bet was made. In fact, he doesn't remember making it, but said he may shave his head via webcam. (http://www.tampabay.com)
It could be construed as a black day for the English language — but not if you work in the public sector. Dozens of quangos (organization that is able to act independently of the government that finances it) and taxpayer-funded organizations have ordered a purge of common words and phrases so as not to cause offense. Among the everyday sayings that have been quietly dropped in a bid to stamp out racism and sexism are “whiter than white”, “gentleman’s agreement”, “black mark” and “right-hand man”. The Northern Ireland Human Rights Commission has advised staff to replace the phrase “black day” with “miserable day”, according to documents released under freedom of information rules. It points out that certain words carry with them a “hierarchical valuation of skin color”. The commission even urges employees to be mindful of the term “ethnic minority” because it can imply “something smaller and less important”. http://www.timesonline.co.uk Ya gotta love the PC types… NOT!
Stylin’! A Scottish college student said her invention, a clear plastic helmet with openings at the face and ears, is designed to help people talk in noisy bars. Elaine McLuskey, 23, an Edinburgh Napier University student, said the sound bubble is designed to cut out back-ground noise and help friends converse without straining in busy bars and pubs, the New York Daily News reported. "(There's) that frustrating situation of trying to catch up with a friend in a busy bar. You want to hear their news and have a proper chat, but you have to shout over the din of music, chatter and clinking glasses," McLuskey said. However, some bar patrons in New York said the helmet brings its own problems, most prominently the fish bowl-like appearance. "I'd be skeptical to sit near them," George Whitehurst, 59, said of people wearing the helmets. "It looks kind of awkward." Gee, you think?
Finally, busted! Boys at North Marion High School in Ocala, Fla., knew it was common for valuables and cash to disappear from lockers in the school’s locker room during gym class, and it had been going on for years. A student finally put his cell phone in an empty locker to record what happened while students were out, and allegedly caught the thief on video: Steven Simmons, a P.E teacher, who has 25 years of service in the district. The student took the video to sheriff's deputy Tasha Nix, the school resource officer, who confronted the 49-year-old teacher. Simmons allegedly confessed. He was arrested for theft and has resigned. School officials took quick action to ensure nothing like this would ever happen again -- by threatening to expel the student for "using" his cell phone at school against school rules. (Ocala Star- Banner)
Later.
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