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Volume 15, Number 26, June 27, 2010 Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, real gratitude! Michaela Brummund's husband, a marine, was killed in Afghanistan by an IED. Following his death, the young widow decided to move home to Copperopolis, a small California town with a population of just over 2,000, in order to be closer to her family and grieve. Verizon, however, does not offer cell phone service in the town. Brummund called the phone company (Verizon) to cancel her service, and Verizon hit her with a $350 early termination fee for ending her contract with Verizon before it expired--despite Brummund "being a widow and Verizon not living up to its contractual obligations to provide actual cellphone coverage” as noted in The Consumerist. (I bet once this hit the news, their tune changed. Companies like Verizon don’t like bad PR!)Next, promise ‘em anything to get elected (and then @#%!!* ‘em). The Obama administration has put aside efforts to close the Guantánamo prison, making it unlikely that President Obama will carry out his promise to close it before his term ends in 2013. I mean you vote for somebody because they say what they will do, and you believe they will, and then they don’t… again and again and again - just sayin’." Finally, soccer fever (for now – you know the US). FIFA acknowledges there might be something wrong with the Jabulani World Cup ball, but won't act on any problems until after the tournament. Many players have likened the Jabulani to a "supermarket ball," saying it is too unpredictable and flies through the air too easily. "We're not deaf," FIFA secretary general Jerome Valcke said. Valcke said FIFA will discuss the matter with coaches and teams after the World Cup then meet with manufacturer Adidas (isn’t there a saying about changing horses [or soccer balls] midstream). "There are rules for size and weight. ... But the ball has to be perfect," he added. Goalkeepers have complained about the ball at every recent World Cup, although this time forwards and even coaches have added their voices to the complaints (forwards and coaches…ooooh). Speaking of soccer fever, I found an eleven-plus-minute video clip of all the goals (both of them) scored in the World Cup as of this writing. Actually, there were 48 games represented, and 101 goals scored in total (103 if you happen to include those two USA goals that were controversially disallowed [if you ask me, follow the money – at least with the first one]). (I’m not good at math, but isn’t that an average of just one goal every-hour-and-a-half?) Some of the best late-night TV one-liners: (1) Leno: “Well, we all knew it was going to happen — Gen. McChrystal has canceled his subscription to Rolling Stone. Also, scientists in Geneva say that by smashing subatomic particles together, they can come very close to replicating the Big Bang that created the universe. Well, what could go wrong there?” (2) Letterman: “It took three days to end a tennis match at Wimbledon. That’s just one more thing that Obama couldn’t stop.” (3) Kimmel: “Let me see if I understand soccer. A yellow card is a warning, a red card means you have to leave the game, and a green card means you can move to the United States.” (Of course, having no card works too.) (4) Fallon: “The confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan will be shown live this week on C-SPAN 3. You know it's going to be boring when C-SPAN 2 passes on it.” (Well, at least I thought they were funny.) Reuters carried a Bit for someone who has some money to spare: for anyone looking to get away from it all there’s the chance to buy their own rural village in New Zealand, complete with a pub and population of 40 (what else does one need?). Otira, a hamlet on the rainy west coast of New Zealand's South Island, is on the market for $NZ1 million ($715,000). Current owners Bill and Christine Hennah bought the rundown village in 1998 after passing through and "feeling sorry for it," according to Christchurch-based newspaper The Press. They paid $NZ80,000 ($56,000) for the hotel or pub, school, railway station, town hall and 18 houses making up the village near the Arthur's Pass National Park that dates back to 1923. In its heyday was home to about 600 workers and their families. But the couple, now in their 60s, say they no longer have the energy to run the hotel. They are asking $NZ350,000 for the hotel or $NZ1 million for the whole lot. If I had the money…. So typical of young people today: an argument over butter in a macaroni and cheese recipe churned into violence between a brother and sister. A 21-year-old man called police earlier this month to say his 17-year-old sister tried to cut his neck with the serrated edge of a spatula. The police report said the sister was making macaroni and cheese when her brother asked if she was using butter. That led to an argument over the difference between butter and margarine (at least it wasn’t something trivial). And, then butter battle escalated. The girl was charged in Douglas County Superior Court with fourth-degree assault. (http://www.wenatcheeworld.com) So typical of people today who don’t mature at all when they become slightly older: authorities say two women have been arrested following a parents' brawl that interrupted a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony. School officials placed Puesta del Sol Elementary in the desert town of Victorville on lockdown after a fight broke out among a group of parents. The San Bernardino County sheriff's department says witnesses told deputies several mothers were involved in an argument and it got physical. Several men then jumped into the fray (is that, uh, like a river?), and the incident turned into a brawl. A deputy later arrested two people on suspicion of being a disruptive presence at a school (sounds like half of my students). Witnesses said they were the main instigators. In all, 20 adults were identified in the brawl. A school district official says there could be more arrests. (MyWay News) So typical of older people who… well, you know the rest. Paula Wolf, 41, was arrested in Stevens Point, Wis., and charged with hitting four pedestrians at random with various projectiles. In Wolf's car, police found a blow gun, a slingshot and a bucket of rocks. After questioning, Wolf admitted to police that she just "liked to hear people say 'ouch.'" O-kay. (CBS News) (And at 41, if she’s “older,” what does that make me???) A US man was run over by his own dog after it jumped into his pickup truck and knocked it into gear. Christopher Bishop, 43, was lying on the ground under his Ford truck, checking for oil leaks, with the vehicle in neutral, the engine running and the driver's door open. Suddenly, his bulldog, Tassey, jumped into the truck and knocked it into reverse. The truck rolled over Mr. Bishop's left side, but he managed to escape serious injury, and was able to stop the vehicle before it struck a fence. He then went back into his house and waited about six hours before seeking medical attention because he "does not like doctors" (or maybe he doesn’t have any kind of insurance) (tampabay.com) (The back story is the dog was actually texting and lost control of the vehicle.) Gotta admire his spirit (and honesty): Paul Nigel Sneddon, 47, pleaded guilty to careless driving and drunken driving after being nearly three times over the legal alcohol limit in a district court in the city of Palmerston North, the Dominion Post newspaper reported. Defense lawyer Peter Young said that when Sneddon found he could not open the doors of the car, "he had nothing else to do at that point, so he had another beer." When asked by police how much he had consumed, Sneddon replied: "Plenty, I've been drinking for four days straight." Sneddon, who is estranged from his wife, told the newspaper that he went on a drinking binge after losing his job at a bakery on the same day that he heard his father was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Judge Gregory Ross fined him NZ$1,100 (US$780) and disqualified him from driving for 10 months. It was his first offense. Finally, some best-ever quotes: (1) "Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." Mark Twain. (2) "My mother drew a distinction between achievement and success. She said that achievement is the knowledge that you have studied and worked hard and done the best that is in you. Success is being praised by others. That is nice but not as important or satisfying. Always aim for achievement and forget about success.” Helen Hayes. (3) "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sypathethic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of those." George Washington Carver. (4) "The best minds are not in government. If they were, business would hire them away." Ronald Reagan. (5) "Rudeness is the weak person's imitation of strength." Eric Hoffer. Bonus: “Two words that would truly make all the difference in today’s world: ‘Play fair.’” Dave Berman. Extra Bonus: The Still Small Voice reminding me I am not alone, this more humorous response arrived in response to a humorous e-mail I sent on: “While amusing, David, this is not your column... unless you have changed the format....” Webmaster Eli Badger. (At least, I think it’s humorous, but just to be safe, I am ready to submit this.
Later.
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