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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 15, Number 30, July 25, 2010
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First,big news for this week’s lead story! My daughter just got her driver’s license yesterday! I know the event doesn’t belong among the usual fare, but there is a point to be made. A friend of hers didn’t pass. Unlike real public school where all you pretty much have to do is show up to get by, this failing girl is alleged not to have met her responsibilities of listening, studying, observing, and practicing many hours. What a novel concept: meeting standards and displaying competence to earn something. (Inappropriate joke of the week: Question: What’s the difference between a mental hospital and a high school? Answer: you need to show improvement to get out of the hospital!)
Next, what’s in a name? Lots of money, I guess, when it’s sold to company after company. A Texas woman said her father receives so much junk mail that his house is full of mail. On one recent day he received 96 pieces of mail. The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported the woman and her 81-year-old father said the man's house is littered with junk mail, including a 3 1/2-foot pile of letters on his breakfast table. The woman said her father gives about $2,500 a year to various charities and began receiving junk mail in amounts too large to fit through his mail slot about a year ago. Many people feel that making a purchase increases their chance of winning whatever; I saw this first-hand with my wife’s uncle (especially through Reader’s Digest).
Finally, a Utah man is accused of violating a protective order because he allegedly sent letters to his estranged wife's cat. Authorities say a 32-year-old man was ordered not to contact his wife, so he mailed 11 letters from jail that were addressed to her cat Molly Judge and a neighbor, but were intended for his wife (gee, you think). They say the letters asked her not to testify against him. Dallas now faces 11 counts of violation of a protective order and two counts of tampering with a witness. His court-appointed attorney says he couldn't comment until he speaks to his client (get the cat on the stand). (http://www.azcentral.com)
A cable network bought Roy Rogers iconic companions Trigger and Bullet (now preserved and stuffed). For years, the preserved horse and dog have lived in the Roy Rogers Museum in Missouri. When the family decided to close the museum at the end of 2009, many wondered what would become of Roy Rogers' companions. Cable channel RFD-TV bought Trigger at auction for $266,500 and paid $35,000 for Bullet (no word on how much Roy or Dale brought). The network also announced plans to re-air Roy Rogers' movies starting this fall. RFD-TV President Patrick Gottsch said, "We'll be bringing back the movies, 33 movies starting in November on Saturday mornings… so we're real excited about that." (www.wkrn.com) I wonder how Roy will be accepted by today’s discriminating viewers….
Mainstream but worth a comment: “The Thrilla from Wasilla” (Shakespalin) recently compared herself to none other than the Immortal Bard himself (and with indirect reference to her primary obsession, Barack Obama). 'Refudiate,' 'misunderestimate,' 'wee-wee'd up.' English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!' Sorry, but anyone who thinks for one moment that Palin is presidential material doesn’t think much at all. “Lord, what fools these mortals be!” (http://radio923fm.radio.com) I guess, truth be told, she does possess the one quality that will garner many Republican votes: she’s hot!
Stupid Pills Time (presented as presented): An Australian man who survived a drunken attempt to ride a crocodile says he just wanted to play with the animal, he wanted to give the saltwater crocodile "a pat." At first, he climbed into a saltwater crocodile's cage and tried to feed it beer. When the first wasn't very responsive, Newman climbed into the enclosure of another 16-foot-long saltwater crocodile, named Fatso, and tried to sit on its back. "I thought to myself, 'Well, I will jump the fence and go from behind its tail and pat it and sit on its back'," Newman, who had been thrown out of a pub earlier in the evening, told Australian public broadcaster ABC. "And within like one split second before I even slightly touched its back, it already had me by the leg," he said. Fatso responded by mauling Newman on the right calf before he escaped, but crocodile experts and law enforcement officials say they are stunned he got away not just with his leg, but with his life. Saltwater crocodiles are the world's largest reptile and can grow up to 23 feet and are known for being notoriously vicious. Following his release from the hospital, Newman now faces trespassing charges, and will have to live down local media dubbing him "Crocodile Dumb-dee" following his stunt. (Huffington Post)
The World of Politics: Over the years, U.S. Rep. Mark Kirk of Illinois has freely used "swagger and braggadocio in talking about his 21 years of military service" as qualification for office. When one contrary fact after another about his record was pointed out by reporters, Kirk explained, "I simply misremembered it wrong." He admitted that, contrary to his numerous public statements, he was not actually "in" the Iraq Desert Storm war; did not actually "command the Pentagon War Room" when he was assigned there as a Navy Reservist; and was not actually once Naval "Intelligence Officer of the Year." He is now vying for the U.S. Senate seat once held by Barack Obama. [Chicago Sun-Times] Sounds like he’d make a perfectly wonderful politician to me! He’s already got the lying part down pat!
Reverse Discrimination? Earlier this year, the Berkeley (Calif.) School Board began consideration of a near-unanimous recommendation of Berkeley High School's Governance Council to eliminate science labs from its curriculum, reasoning that the classes mostly serve white students, leaving less money for programs for under-performing minorities. Berkeley High's white students do far better academically than the state average; black and Latino students do worse than average. Five science teachers would be dismissed. [East Bay Express] I’d say get rid of math, English, history, etc. as well. Instead of expecting students to rise to a challenge, lower standards! That’s such a public school thing to do….
Feisty! A 72-year-old woman is pulled over for speeding, then tasered and sent to jail. "Due to being a construction zone, and workers being present," Pct. 3 Constable Richard McCain said, "it was 45, she was doing 60." Winkfein admits she was speeding in the dangerous strip of highway. "He explained to her," Constable McCain said, "sign the ticket stub, it's not an admission of guilt. It's a promise to appear in court. She didn't want to. She said take me to jail." That's when the officer says Winkfein exited her vehicle and didn't cooperate. She refused to get off the side of the road, he said to her, “Ma'am, you're under arrest. She used profanity," the Constable said. He adds she got violent, and the officer used a taser on her. [www.myfoxaustin.com] Not big news, but I’d like to see what she looks like to see how threatened I’d feel.
Frosty! I find it ironic that if a winter day comes along a few degrees below “normal” the Global Warming naysayers laugh at the concept, but when we have the hottest June (and possibly summer) on record, there’s no chatter.
The next time someone says they’re into IT, consider the following statement from Activia: “Clinical studies show that Activia, with Bifidus Regularis, helps slow intestinal transit when enjoyed daily for 2 weeks as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle.” I mean, if that’s what it’s supposed to do? Have you seen the ads that follow real users eating the stuff? I mean, isn’t someone missing the point? Shouldn’t the ads show them… uh, never mind.
Finally, a few great one-liners (some old, some new): (1) If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? (2) Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. (3) Two politicians are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "You’re lying." The other replied, "I know but just hear me out." (4) "Bristol Palin is getting married to Levi Johnston. Sarah Palin is so excited that she can't even make up words to express how thrilled she is." David Letterman. (5) "Police in Texas arrested a man who was using the alias 'Barack Obama' while trying to steal money from 35 ATMs. They could tell something was up when a guy named Barack Obama was trying to take money from banks instead of giving it to them." Jimmy Fallon. Bonus: “The CEO of British Petroleum is leaving his job. It’s not official, it just leaked out.” Letterman.
Later.
(For a totally different column, check out www.northcountrynewsnh.com p. 4)
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