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"It's too bad stupidity isn't painful."
Volume 17, Number 5, January 29, 2012
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, inept criminals… and their “friends.” A 25-year-old man was rescued by fire crews in Tranent, Scotland, last month and taken to Edinburgh Royal Infirmary. According to police, four men were attempting to steal an eight-ton steamroller when the 25-year-old got his leg trapped underneath. The other three left him behind when they fled. [STV (Scotland)]
Next, the family that drugs together shrugs together…. Tippecanoe County (Ind.) judge Loretta Rush, when interviewed by the Journal & Courier of Lafayette, Ind., underscored parental drug use as a major risk factor in a child's drifting into substance abuse. "I had a case where a child was born with drugs in his system," recalled Rush. "Both parents were using. We were looking for (placing the child in any relative's home), but both sets of grandparents were using. So (the) great-grandmother's in the courtroom, and I had asked her if she would pass a drug screen, and she said she would not ...." IF somehow people could be convinced put family before drugs and alcohol, can you imagine what a difference would be made in the world? Really!
Finally, German police say a thief was in for a surprise after stealing a red plastic box from the back of a station wagon. Inside were seven different sized wooden penises, 100 condoms, and instructional material for sex education classes at a local counseling center. Police in Goettingen released a statement that the material was worth about $26. They are appealing to the thief to simply drop the box back somewhere where authorities can find it and return it to the center. They say if the thief tries to put any of the birth control to use he could also be in for a surprise — the condoms were made for “purely instructional purposes” so they “urge caution!” [www.azcentral.com]
They walk among us. Thank goodness no one human was injured…. An Albuquerque man is facing charges after police said he kept stabbing a small statue while speaking in tongues. KRQE reported that 40-year-old Karim Jaekel was arrested and charged with aggravated assault following the bizarre attack close to the University of New Mexico campus. According to police, the man entered the Peace and Justice Center near UNM with two knives (pretty ironic, if you ask me [which, of course, you didn’t]). Witnesses say he was dressed in robes, spoke in tongues and stabbed a figurine he was holding. He was arrested a short time later.
Some words of wisdom submitted by PJ, my Canadian Bureau Chief: (1) "Success is a ladder that cannot be climbed with your hands in your pockets." American proverb. (2) "Worry doesn't help tomorrow's troubles, but it does ruin today's happiness." Gary A. Freedman. (3) "It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing." Thomas Jefferson. (4) "Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life." Kitty O'Neill Collins. (5) “Anyone who has lost track of time when using a computer knows the propensity to dream, the urge to make dreams come true and the tendency to miss lunch.” Tim Berners-Lee.
I sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. (As an example: A man is out walking on a warm day along the edge of a remote pond. He is on the bank enjoying the view when he suddenly loses his footing and falls into the pond. The water is not deep but he does have to struggle to make it safely back to shore. He climbs out, dripping wet, and notices that his wallet is not in his pocket. As he ponders the pond, wondering whether he should jump back in and search for his wallet, lo, what wonders appear! As he is looking at the surface of the water, he sees a school of large carp chasing something around. One carp emerges at water surface and what does he have in its mouth but the guy's wallet! Suddenly another carp appears at the surface and the first carp flips the wallet to the second carp who catches it in his mouth. Then a third fish appears and on and on it goes. After watching amazed for several hours, he decided to report this strange behavior to the experts, but they told him it was a well known phenomenon - it is known as carp-to-carp walleting…. [Sorry!])
Well-meaning South Korean activists have just floated giant balloons carrying boxes of socks into North Korea. The activists hoped that North Koreans could wear the socks or trade them for food during the harsh winter. An Associated Press video showed five helium-filled balloons rising into the air at an observation post in the South Korean border city of Paju. South Korean activists have used balloons in the past to send anti-North Korean leaflets across the heavily guarded border. North Korea strongly denounces the leaflets but hasn't mentioned past efforts to send daily necessities. What a very sad, secretive country…
You know (of course you don’t), more than ever I am considering “None of the Above” as I look at the candidates the US Presidential race is offering (as has been said, even Miss America has 50 contestants…). Anyhow, maybe we should take a lesson from Italy. Two porn stars are going head to head in a public pole dancing contest - in their battle to become mayor of an Italian town. Amandha Fox and Luana Borgia are both vying to win town hall elections to become the civic leader in Tranto. The stars' backers are organizing a pole dancing night next month where local voters see just what both girls have to offer. "We want to be fair so we would like to invite any other candidate to come along and dance too," agent Mimmo Pavese told local media Miss Fox, who has her own erotic calendar, added: "I want voters to see the real me." [http://web.orange.co.uk]
Do you have enough for everyone? Police in Connecticut are investigating after they say a 4-year-old special needs student brought nine bags of marijuana to school and offered it to his friends during snack time. School Superintendent Mark D. Benigni told CBS New York that the investigation centered on the boy's well-being. "Our concern is for the 4-year-old student, who had no knowledge of what he was bringing to school," Benigni said. Meriden police planned to seek an arrest warrant for the boy's mother on charges of risk of injury to a child, possession of a controlled substance and intent to sell, according to the Meriden Record-Journal.
Finally, a public service for those of us fed up with hearing how important our calls are to (fill in company name), but we still end up treated like crap. Try searching http://gethuman.com/ for a number to reach a real person. Let me know if it works for you!
Later!
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(For a different dose of Berman’s Bits, check out www.northcountrynewsnh.com p.4) |
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