Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. I can’t believe it is just about March already! It has been said that life is like a roll of toilet paper – the closer to the end, the faster it goes.

So, whoops! Last month, Israeli television journalist Eitam Lachover became the latest to be injured in a high-profile test of a “protective” vest when he volunteered to be stabbed on camera for a news segment. Vest company officials’ faces turned quickly sour as the blade penetrated the vest (though the wound was described as “light”). [Jerusalem Post]

Yes, but is it art? British director Missouri Williams brought an adaptation of Shakespeare’s “King Lear” to the London Courtyard art facility last summer for a one-week run, centered on a human actor struggling to stage the play using only sheep. The pivotal character, Lear’s daughter Cordelia, famously withholds flattering Lear (thus forgoing inheriting the kingdom), and her silence forever tortures Lear — and of course silence is something sheep pull off well. Actor Alasdair Saksena admitted there is an “element of unpredictability with the sheep,” but lauded their punctuality, calmness and lack of fee demands. Williams promised another Courtyard run for “King Lear With Sheep” in the fall. [New York Times] (Speaking of sheep, is anyone else following the presidential primary season?

Speaking of an uninformed public, a poll by Public Policy Polling found that a surprising number of Florida voters believe Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz could be the Zodiac Killer. While a 62 percent majority of voters answered “No” when asked if they believed Cruz was responsible for the string of murders in the early 70s, 10 percent answered “Yes” and an additional 28 percent said they were unsure. Several reports say the rumor stems from a speech Cruz delivered at the Conservative Political Action Conference in 2013 titled “This is the Zodiac Speaking” and has become popular again since he began his presidential campaign. Public Policy Polling, a Democratic polling firm, asked the question relating to the bizarre Internet rumor after dedicating its inclusion “weird twitter”, when asked if it would appear on their latest round of voter polls. The polling company was also responsible for a poll that found 30 percent of Republican voters would support bombing the fictional city of Agrabah from Disney’s Aladdin. [UPI]

Members of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, otherwise known as Pastafarians, registered their first official marriage celebrant in New Zealand. The group announced the news on its Facebook page, although the first couple that was set to be married by the new celebrant decided to call off their wedding. “Our happy couple made the Wise Decision (after traveling together for several weeks) to NOT tie the noodley knot – a wise decision noted the Ministeroni: ‘Tis always better to be alone, wishing you were knotted, than to be knotted and wishing you weren’t.’ R’Amen!” they wrote. The celebrant, referred to as the Ministeroni, will travel across the country to perform wedding services free of charge. Couples will only be required to pay for her travel expenses and make a donation of between $150-$800 to the church. The group, whose members are known for wearing colanders on their heads, won the right to perform marriages in New Zealand on Dec. 10, 2015, and registered its first celebrant on Feb. 13. New Zealand registrar-general of births, deaths and marriages Jeff Montgomery defended the group’s right to marry, citing its stances on human rights and spiritual diversity. “Most approved organizations are faith-based and cluster around well-known religious views, however, a number have what might be considered an ‘alternative philosophy’. These include Yoga, Wicca, Scientology, Heathen, Druid, Humanist, Spiritual Healing and Reiki followers,” he said. [UPI]

If artists are supposed to suffer for their work, then Tom Miller must be a genius. This weekend, the Gainesville, Florida-based performance artist will attempt to go where few others dare by staring at Ted Cruz’s mouth for two hours straight. “This is the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done,” Miller told The Huffington Post. “It’s like being caught on ‘It’s A Small World’ for two hours straight.” Miller will be doing his two-hour “Ted Gawk” at the Hardback Cafe. The 50-year-old artist will be on a stage staring at a giant photo of Cruz without breaking eye contact (blinking is allowed).  “People can attempt to interact with me, but I won’t be focusing on anything else but that smile,” he said. “Maybe someone will bring a beer to ease the pain.” Then an hour after his Ted Cruz stare down, Miller will unveil an original piece of artwork to commemorate the event. Miller insists the two-hour stare down at Cruz’s grin is not a political statement. “His face perplexes me,” Miller said. “How can someone be happy and smiling, but give you the feeling they’re not happy or smiling? I feel like I’m staring at the abyss to see if there is any glimmer.” Amazingly, Miller said he’d prefer to stare at Cruz’s mouth in person than the two-dimensional he is using tonight.

Finally, if you ever needed a reason NOT to tailgate: A road accident in Mesa, Arizona, caused an almighty stink on Saturday afternoon. A sewage truck that was hauling porta-potties reportedly rolled over on the busy U.S. 60 highway after swerving to avoid a barrel that fell from another vehicle. The portable toilets were thrown off but were actually empty. Human feces and urine still spilled out onto the road, however, from vents on top of the truck’s septic tank. Luckily, no one was injured in the crash. Arizona Department of Public Safety Sgt. Aaron Buckmister told the outlet it was “the first time” he’d ever had to deal with a poo spill on the road. “There are three compartments in that tank. One is fresh water, one is deodorizer and the other is waste water,” he said. “The waste water came out the top.” The crew that was transporting the porta-potties cleaned up most of the mess. The DPS said it would now forward the incident to the local fire department, which would determine whether further sanitization would be required. [Huffington Post]