Volume 20, Number 50, December 6, 2015
Greetings, and thanks for joining me for another week. Starting us off are a few news stories you may have missed. First, truth in advertising? Last month, lawyer Michael Petersen of Appleton, Wisconsin, was ordered by county judge Philip Kirk (in a sentence for contempt of court) to inform every client he acquires in the following 12 months that Petersen is a “crook,” “cheat,” “thief” and “liar.” Kirk concluded that Peterson had lied about a plea deal with the prosecutor and created phony documents for backup, leading a client to plead guilty to armed robbery when the prosecutor said there was never such a deal. According to the Appleton Post Crescent, Kirk (after dressing down Petersen in colorful language) told him, “I want you to have as much business as a pimp in a nursing home.” (Wait, they have pimps in nursing homes???)
Next, apartment buyers in absurdly expensive Hong Kong are now eagerly paying up to the equivalent of $500,000 (U.S.) for units not much bigger than a U.S. parking space (and typically physically self-measured by the applicant’s wing-span). An agent told The Wall Street Journal that, for example, standard furniture does not fit the units and that having guests over requires sitting on the window sill. (The Journal pointed out that a typical such “mosquito” apartment unit in Hong Kong is 180 square feet, way smaller than the 304 of a basketball court’s “lane” subject to a “3-second” violation.) A government lottery for subsidized units rewards barely one of every 100 applicants.
Finally, a British tabby cat named Ted became tangled in red tape when he was playfully mailed a package and then instructed to cough up ID to claim it. Ted’s amused owner, Brittany Maher-Kirk, shared her quagmire on Facebook after finding herself unable to retrieve what she said was a cat advent calendar sent from her mom. “Unfortunately, we missed the delivery and the post office won’t give it to me as the cat does not have ID,” the 27-year-old wrote while sharing a photo of Ted obliviously sitting beside a Royal Mail notice written out to his name. Maher-Kirk said she called up her post office in London and told them her situation. “They said they were under no obligation to give me the parcel, however, they suggested that [I] pop in and explain.” Fortunately for Ted and his time-sensitive surprise, when she did just that, she said the employees “were fantastic.” “They thought it was hilarious and just laughed at me,” she said. The workers did express disappointment that she didn’t bring Ted in with her, but she explained that the adorable feline suffers from feline immunodeficiency virus, which requires him to stay indoors. “I did offer to show them pictures of Ted, but they said that they believe me, as no one could make it up,” she stated. As for Ted’s gift, she described him as more than merrier. “It’s specifically for cats, so, full of cat treats,” she said of the calendar. “They come in little blocks with fish and other festive pictures on! He loves it — when he sees it he meows and begs for the treat!”
A 99-year-old woman from California won a shopping spree at a local 99 cent store in California and donated her purchases to charity. Donna Goldstein was awarded a 99 second shopping spree at a local 99 Cents Only store in Beverly Grove in celebration of her 99th birthday. A regular customer, Goldstein was chosen over other candidates after she was seen shopping for Thanksgiving gift baskets for needy families at the store CBS Los Angeles reports. During her shopping spree Goldstein bought $162.76 worth of stockings and stocking stuffers which she went on to donate to children in need through her church. “Sometimes we don’t realize how much is needed,” she said. “I feel bad that I can’t do it for everyone, but it makes me feel very good that I am able to do what I can.” Goldstein presented a birthday cake and a certificate of recognition from the store in addition to her shopping spree. (And to celebrate, I wonder if she went out to eat at the 99 Restaurant and Pub.)
Hoyyy! I guess anything does go! Restaurant chain Buffalo Wild Wings announced a new flavor of wings inspired by citrus-flavored soda Mountain Dew. The flavor will be known as Zesty Citrus and is meant to celebrate Buffalo Wild Wings’ sponsorship deal with the college football Citrus Bowl game. “The bold citrus flavor of Mountain Dew was infused with lemongrass and spicy red pepper-flakes to create a blast of sweet and spicy that will leave guests asking for more,” the company said in a press release. The flavor will be available at Buffalo Wild Wings restaurants until January 2nd and will also be served at the Citrus Bowl game between the University of Michigan and University of Florida on January 1. [UPI]
In the world of “edumacation….” Hailey Gibbons, 16, was late to her class at Klein Collins High in Klein, Texas, so she was sent to the office with a tardy form. The assistant principal — who had never met Hailey — thought she was acting “odd” and so had a nurse conduct a field sobriety test. The nurse concluded that Gibbons was intoxicated, which the girl vehemently denied. The school asked Gibbons’ mother, Jennifer Saxton, to come to the school. When she did, she took her daughter and went straight to a medical lab that Saxton said school administrators recommended. But when the 11-panel drug and alcohol test came back negative, the school ignored the results and sent Gibbons to an alternative school for 30 days based solely on the school nurse’s opinion. Saxton said she will be withdrawing her daughter from the school and is considering a lawsuit. “(The school district) uses a variety of methods to determine whether a student may be impaired at school,” the school district said in a statement. “While we will not discuss any specific instances, there are multiple reasons why certain outside sources may not be given weight in a matter such as this.” [KRIV Houston]
Lastly, good try…. Darene Springs Weston, 43, went to Rock Hill (S.C.) Municipal Court, allegedly identified herself as her own mother, and tried to present a forged document declaring her dead so that she could avoid drunk driving charges. The court clerk, however, recognized Weston and called the police. She was arrested and charged with obstruction of justice. In court, when Judge Dolores Williams noted Weston did that “in an attempt to get four court cases dismissed due to the defendant being dead,” Weston asked, “If I plead guilty can I get my cases to run concurrent?” The judge said no: the drunk driving charge was only a misdemeanor, but the obstruction of justice charge is a felony: she’s facing up to 10 years in prison. Huh, Weston said: “I’m going to do time for that.” Meanwhile, the judge gave her 90 days in jail for failure to appear in court, giving false information to police, DUI, driving with a suspended license, and having an open alcohol container in her vehicle. She also has pending cases for drug possession and larceny. “Are you out on bond for a drug charge?” the judge asked her. “Yes, but the drugs were mine,” Weston answered. Sigh. [Rock Hill Herald]
Later.